


So Far Away

by PotstickersAndKale



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Based on True Events, F/F, I made my promise, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Sad, but i had to write it, i wont break my promise, im sorry, read notes first, this one is for you El
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotstickersAndKale/pseuds/PotstickersAndKale
Summary: Kara and Lena have many things in common, but none of them thought that cancer was the thing to bring them together. But also break them appart.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 87





	So Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for you El, always in my heart, my memory. Always.
> 
> Disclaimer: More than a year ago I lost a good friend. She fought hard, but in the end, she spread her wings and flew up high.
> 
> Most of this story is real. And it's based on my friend and her then-girlfriend relationship.  
> My friend wanted me to write it before she passed. We both loved supercorp, and I use to laugh at her that she and her girlfriend sometimes remind me of Kara and Lena. And that their meeting was totally fanfic thing.
> 
> I started writing it with my friend.   
> When she passed, I couldn't touch it. It took me months, I knew the end won't look the same.  
> Her girlfriend was the one who told me I should. We both want to remember how they met and I want to remember the warrior she was.
> 
> So maybe not all of the medical terms and etc. will be 100% correct, I did my best. But also there won't be many terms.   
> Almost everything here, specifically emotions and staff are things that really happened and my friend shared with me.  
> Also, almost none of the scenes is from my mind, it all happen. I changed some little staff in order to make it a more supercorp thing. Because in the end, that's what it is.
> 
> So this fanfic is for her.
> 
> TW: pain, sickness, hospital, death.
> 
> FOR EL, LOVE YOU ALWAYS <3

# So Far Away

Kara was crying.

She couldn’t remember when was the last time she cried so much, maybe when she was first diagnosed. But even then’ she remembers she cried from fear, less from sadness. Because Kara Danvers was a positive person, and even in the darkest time of her life she was able to smile, and find little staff that makes her feel good about being alive. 

But now, at this moment Kara cried her whole entire heart.  
She was in pain, the worse one she had ever experienced. She felt the sadness infiltrate in her body, touching in every dot it could, making her suffer. 

Kara was lying in her bed, cuddling in herself, closing her eyes while the tears kept coming. She wanted everything to end, she wanted to feel the peace she felt when she was with her, she needed her next to her.  
But she was gone.   
Lena was gone.

**A few months earlier**

Kara walked to the reception table, holding the papers in her hand. She had a smile on her face, but she was actually frightened.   
It was her first chemo treatment, her first step in fighting cancer.

Kara remembered the day she got diagnosed. It wasn’t long ago, only a week ago. The words “it’s cancer” echoed in her head all the time, she had time to process it all, to get mentally ready for whatever comes next. At least that what Kara told herself. 

“Name?” the reception lady looked at Kara. She had nice eyes and she smiled at Kara. “Kara, Danvers”, Kara said, handing her the papers.   
The reception lady typed some staff in her computer, raising her to look to Kara every few seconds. 

“Ok then. First time ha?” she asked Kara. Kara nodded, still smiling, “nervous?” she asked her, giving Kara bach her papers together with some stickers and a white paper bracelet. “Need help with that?” the nice woman asked her, looking at Kara while she struggled with dealing with the bracelet. 

“Oh, yes, thank you,” Kara answered shyly, giving her hand to the lady who wore it quickly on her wrist. 

“Now, you can sit there honey, someone will call you soon.” 

Kara went and set on one of the red plastic chairs, looking around her for the first time. The walls were full of cute animals drawing, Kara spotted an elephant and two penguins. There were Legos on the corner of the waiting room, together with some other toys, mostly staffed animals. 

There was a big blue door, the one Kara was supposed to get into in a few minutes. “Hematology and children oncology,” the sign said, the big letters scared Kara, she suddenly realized it was real. 

“Hey Kara, I’m here. I’m sorry, I couldn’t find a parking lot.” Alex, her sister came and set next to her. Putting a big bag on the chair next to her. “It’s fine Alex’ nothing ad happened, not yet.” Kara leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder. Breathing heavily, trying not to panic. She knew she will break in the end, but she wanted it to be later, she needed it to be later. 

“Danvers, Kara” a women, wearing a white coat came out the blue doors, holding a bored in her hand. She looked around to meet Kara’s eyes. Kara recognized her as the doctor who changed her life, the one who gave her and her family the hard news.

Kara stood up, Alex followed her and she went to the doctor. “Hey Kara, come on, let’s talk.” And then’ she went in the blue doors, it was the first time, in many more to come.

Kara was lying on the bed. The walls were white but the curtains were blue with clouds, there was even a rainbow there. Giving the sad quiet room some life, a feeling of hope and peace. Kara was in pain, she just came out of the surgery room, she now had a permanent line in her, a port. Attached to her chest. From the outside, it looked like a little bump, but Kara knew what it the start of the journey, this thing will be a path for her to heal, to stay alive. 

“Hey Kara, I brought you some doughnuts.” Alex came into the room, handing Kara a white box. 

“So I guess I need to be sick for you giving me free doughnuts, ah?” Kara chuckled, staffing a chocolate frosted one into her mouth. “Oh’ shut up,” Alex said, taking one to herself, eating it with a delighted look on her face. 

“I think I should name it,” Kara said. 

“Names what?” Alex looked over her with confusion. 

“The port. I have a feeling that it will be easier to live with it this way.”

“Oh, ok, well. Do you have any idea?” Alex asked her, grabbing another doughnut. 

“Ralph, I am going to call him Ralph.” Kara declared. She knew she was going to call it Ralph even before Alex asked, she spent the last night thinking about it.

“Why Ralph? For me, he looks more like… Gerry.” 

“Oh, that’s easy. It’s like ‘Ralph breaks the internet’ only Ralph breaks cancer. Got it? Stagadish!”. Alex laughed and Kara beamed, she was happy with her choice, and the fact that Alex also liked it made her feel better. 

“Ralph breaks cancer, I like it little sis” Alex then stood up and lied next to Kara, hugging her. “You are going to be alright, you get me? You are going to fight this and win this, don’t you dare to leave me here.” Kara heard her sister’s voice shuttering. It was the first time she realized that the fact she was sick also affecting her family, more than she thought before.  
”I promise Alex. I won’t leave you”.

Kara threw up pretty quickly after the first dose of chemo started flowing in her veins. Although she took some pre-medications which also contained anti-nausea ones, it didn’t help. Right now Kara felt like she was throwing up everything she had inside her.   
The chemo felt like fire in her veins, making her feeling uncomfortable. She knew it means it works, at least that what Alex was trying to convince her, but Kara just wanted it to end.   
Alex set next to her, lifting her head and gently patting her bach, moving her hand in circles. 

“Take it all out Kara, it’s fine. It’s almost over.” Alex told her.

“You mean almost over for today.” Kara whipped out, looking at Alex with shining eyes.

“Kara’ I don’t know how you feel right now, I can’t tell you when the pain will be gone. But I know you are strong, you are my sister and I love you. Just, stay strong, I’m here.” 

Kara lied back down, looking at the IV stand. “Yo, not much longer.”

When Kara and Alex came back home it was already late. The sun started shining and the day came to its end. All Kara wanted was to bury herself in her bed and never leave it again. The smell of fresh food was all over the house. Usually, Kara would have run to the kitchen, trying to figure out what Eliza, her mom was cooking. But the smell made Kara feel even more nausea, all she wanted was to drink a glass of water and go to bed. She was exhausted. 

“Kara, you need to eat something” Alex caught her with one leg on the stairs. “Your doctor told you that.”

“Alex, I just want to clean myself and go to bed. It kicked me harder than I thought it will.” Kara shrugged, but then headed her way to the kitchen, she knew Alex is right. 

“Hey Kara-” Eliza rushed to her hugging her tightly, “-I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there with you today.” 

“Mom, it’s fine really. Alex was amazing.” Kara sat on the chair, leaning her head on her hands. 

Eliza put a plate full of food in front of Kara. These were Kara’s favorites, potstickers. Usually, she would already be half of the way eating them, but now she couldn’t carry the thought of putting one of them in her mouth. 

“Hm, mom, is there something else to eat? I don’t feel well and I can’t even smell these.” Kara said, cramping her nose. 

“I have some leftover soup in the fridge, is that good?” Eliza opened the fridge, showing Kara the golden liquid. 

“It’s great mom, thank you.”

Kara was again in her bed, this time in her. She felt clean and relax, even the anti-nausea medication she took after she ate worked. She felt a bit better.  
And quickly fell asleep.

It was Wednesday, and Kara was with Eliza, waiting for a bed to be clear for her so she could start today’s treatment. All the other kids in the waiting room were much younger than Kara, who was 17. Kara tried not to stare, but something about seeing such young kids with no hair touched her. She felt that life is no fair. What do young kids have done to deserve it? Kara knew that sooner or later she will lose her hir as well, and only from thinking about it her hand was on her hair, trailing the blond long hair she grew up in the past few years. 

“Dear, don’t worry, it will grow up again,” Eliza said, taking Kara’s hand in hers. Kara nodded, Eliza knew her so well, since they adopted her they treated her like she was really their own. Even now, when she first got diagnosed she was afraid that the Danvers will leave her alone. It was dumb fear, but it was still there.   
But now, sitting in the waiting room with Eliza, sipping a hot chocolate, Kara knew that she will have all the support she needs. 

“Kara, you can come in,” a nurse came out, letting Kara into the department. Kara found herself in the same room as last time, only this time the bed she was in was already occupied. Kara tried to look between the curtains, but they were close until the end.

Kara jumped into her bed, letting the nurse access her port. And before she even noticed she has connected to chemo again.

“You better don’t make problems Ralph, got me?” Kara talked to her port. She knew it was silly, but it made her feel better. 

“You really named your port?” Kara heard a chuckle. She looked at Eliza confused but Eliza just shrugged.   
Kara realized it must be the person on the other side of the curtain.

“I did, his name is Ralph.”

“From all the names you could have think of, why the hell you chose Ralph?" the voice asked. The voice was rough but gentle at the same time. It was a female voice and Kara knew it is not a child. 

"You know the movie Ralph breaks the internet?" Kara asked. When there was no answer for a few seconds Kara continued talking, "so it's the same. Only Ralph breaks cancer, ha-ha."  
Kara heard a chuckle on the other side of the curtain. It made her smile.

"Hm, mom. Can you please go and get me something to eat? I am a bit hungry. And I probably won't be able to eat much later…"   
"Sure dear, something specific?" Eliza asked, grabbing her bag.  
"No, whatever you feel like, thanks, mom." Eliza kissed her on her forehead and left the room.   
Kara sat on her bed, looking at the curtain, to be exact she was trying to look through them.   
"I can feel you staring at me, you know" the voice came again.   
"So you can just move the curtain, like that I won't have to stare at you" Kara answered.  
The girl on the other side took her a few seconds, and then Kara heard some noises on the other side, including a big sigh.  
The curtain moved, reveals the other side, reveals to the girl. 

The first thing Kara noticed about the girl was her eyes. They were green; they looked like fresh grass, like leaves.   
The girl wore a black wool hat, hiding her bald scalp. The girl was also so pale, so white. Her color seemed like the color of the wall. Dry, white, broken. 

Kara swallowed some saliva, breathing heavily. 

"Hey-" She handed her hand over the girl, "My name is Kara." The girl took her hand, shaking it. Her hand was freezing, it was like she held an ice cube in her hand, only it didn't melt.

"My name is Lena, nice to meet you, Kara." Lena smiled. It was a tiny shy smile, but it made Kara's heart flatter, missing a beat. 

"He-hey" Kara mumbled, forgetting all her words.

Lena smirked over her, biting the edge of her lips.  
Jeez, she looks so pretty Kara thought to herself.

"So-" Lena said, breaking the handshake, "- what type?"

"Type? Ho, well, girls I guess." Kara answered, looking into Lena's eyes.

"I meant what type of cancer." Kara felt herself turning red. But she was sure she could see Lena starring at her, smirk smile, biting again her lower lips.

"Ho, that type. AML, you?"

"ALL" 

"Ho, so hmm, you here a long time?" Kara asked, forgetting her manners. 

"I guess so, in and out you can call it." Lena's voice was low and deep, almost mystical. "And you, new here, right?"

"Yap, second treatment. But I think you already knew that I'm new here, I mean, I am pretty outstanding here, with that," Kara said, pointing at her hair. 

"Ya you are," Lena said, looking at Kara's hair. "I like your hair, I mean, I miss mine. It's nice to see some hair here, to be honest." 

Kara blushed, "ho thanks, I like your hat."

"This? I have many more, I can give you one-" Kara looked up to Lena, "- only if you want." Lena finished, waiting for Kara to responded.

"I would love that!" before Kara could think about what she was doing she found herself hugging Lena, the random girl. "Shit' I'm so sorry, I just-"  
"-It's fine really. You just pressed my port access."

Kara felt a shiver in her back. She still didn't process the fact she had Ralph in her but she didn't realize she isn't the only one. She didn't get used to it and she absolutely didn't know how to work with it. 

"Shit I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just, hmm-"

"Kara, relax. It's ok. It can happen, just remember always to cover it and nothing supposed to happen." Lena said, she took the bandage off and looked at her port, "See' it's all fine" then she attached the bandage again and looked over Kara, who was terrified. "You okay? You seemed like you saw a ghost."

"Ya, just. It's the first time I see someone else with this, port. I didn't realize how it looks like." Kara said, trying to forget the look of Lena's upper chest with its little bump.

"I'm sure you'll get used to it." Lena chuckled.

"Hey Kara I'm-" Eliza went in the room and looked at the two girls. "I see you met a new friend." 

"Mom, meet Lena," Kara said watching Lena and her mom shaking hands. Lena looked a bit weird, but Kara decided to skip on it. She didn't want to burden Lena too much; still, all they knew about each other was their names and cancer type. Oh well, and Lena knew Kara likes girls. What an interesting situation, ah?

"It's nice to meet you-", "Eliza, Eliza Danvers", "So it's nice to meet you, Miss Danvers," Lena said.

Jeez, she is polite

"You can call me Eliza sweetie. Are you here with your family?" Eliza asked Lena.

Lena blushed and started playing with her fingers, Kara could say that this question made her feel uncomfortable. 

Eliza noticed it like Kara and switched the subject quickly. She was now busy trying to convince Lena that she can take the salad she bought to herself. It was a long fight, but like always Eliza won. Eliza always won. 

"How long is your treatment?" Lena asked Kara, some kale shoved in her mouth.

"Hmm-" Kara swallowed the piece of sandwich she was eating, "for now I'm on daily treatment, like three times a week every two weeks. But they might change it, I truly don't know. It's still new to me." Kara said, going back to eat her bread.

"So you never spent a night here?" Lena asked, looking surprised.

"No. Not yet. They say I'm lucky because they found it early or something like that."

"Oh, that's nice. I mean, I hope you won't spend too many nights here."

"Did you, spent lots of nights here?" Kara asked, almost whispering.

"Too many. At the beginning of my treatment, I caught this infection and I was here almost two months, that's my record. But my treatment is few days in a row, so I'm here for around four days every now and then. At least until the situation will get better." 

"TWO MONTHS?" Kara dropped what left of her bread, she was in total shock. She never thought you can be hospitalized for freaking two months, it's like 60 days. That's a long time.

"Ya, it can happen. But I promise you it goes fast, in a flash." Lena said, trying to make Kara feel better. 

Kara had something she wanted to ask Lena, but she had to hold herself. She had a feeling that she can't ask it when her mom is in the room.

"So, you are here for a few days every now and then, and I'm here every now and then every two weeks. Cool, I'm sure I'll see you more." 

Lena smiled shyly over Kara when she heard what Kara said.  
"Yep, at least when you are here I can be with a grown-up and not a baby." 

Kara laughed.  
"Cancer friends?" Kara handed her pinkie to Lena, moving it closer to her.

"Cancer friends," Lena recalled. 

They shook their pinkies, both knowing it's was a new path, for a new special friendship.  
But none of them knew where this new path will lead them.

Ho, Kara wished she knew.

The treatments hit Kara hard. She knew chemo is hard, painful and etc. But Kara felt like she was dying from chemo and not from cancer.   
Her hair started falling shortly after her meeting with Lena. It broke Kara mentally. She was known as the sunny girl of the town, with her blond yellow hair always occupying her.   
But when she first saw herself in the mirror was when she realized she is actually a cancer patient. She has cancer. She might die, she can actually die.

Kara lied in her bed, scrolling her Instagram, looking at old photos of hers. She joined a group of young cancer patients, listening to other's perspectives, and also feeling like she can say whatever she wants and how she hates her life.

It was the middle of the night when Kara started following random teens with cancer. It was like a sisterhood that the only way to get in was sick. But Kara was amused by some of them, how they shared their story with an open heart to the world. Uploading pictures, even from rough days.   
And being honest with themselves and their followers.

Think about it as a journal. One day when you will grow up and have life difficulties like work, family life, or even love, you'll be able to go back and look at what you have been through. Then you will realize that you are strong, a fighter, and no matter what happens, and you'll be able to do whatever you need.   
A fighter is always a fighter.

Kara got this message from one of the people she met online, it stunned her.   
She printed it and put in on her ceiling, just above her head.

So that every day, when she wakes up- she can read it. 

So Kara was scrolling, looking for new people to follow.  
Suddenly she saw someone whom she knew she saw before. She would recognize those eyes from miles away.

‘LenaLuthor’ was the name. It was a private account, with only five posts. But without really thinking Kara pressed on the follow button, saying to herself “cancer friends can be also insta friends, right?"

She put her phone next to her bed, putting an alarm for tomorrow morning.   
But before she shut her phone she got a new notification from Instagram. 

‘LenaLuthor’ approved your following request.

‘LenaLuthor’ is now following you.

Kara smiled, at least now she will have a real way to communicate with Lena rather than hoping to see each other in the hallway.

**LL:** Are you coming tomorrow? It's Monday.  
 **KD:** Sure am.  
 **KD:** So, see you tmw?  
 **LL:** ya cool, see ya.

Kara woke up smiling, at least Lena will be there and she will have someone to talk to except for Alex. It was Alex's day to go with her. She and her mom made an arrangement between them so they both can be there for Kara.  
Alex was 2nd-year medical student. When Kara got first diagnosed Alex laughed that at least she will have some experience with cancer patients. It did not make Kara laugh, but it made her life so much easier. Alex was the one who did the research, making sure Kara gets what's best for her. 

"You look happy, you never looked like that in treatment morning." Alex shrugged over Kara, getting in the car.

"Ho it's just that Lena is also at the hospital today." 

"You mean the girl with cancer you have a crush on her?"

"I DON'T HAVE CRUSH ON LENA. I don't even know her." Kara shouted, blushing all over. Even her bold head turned red, she looked like someone spilled ketchup all over her head.

"I'm just saying little sis, you talked about her so much since you guys met." Alex looked over Kara, laughing at her redhead.

"Whatever" Kara said, going deeper in her seat.   
She took her bag and took out a hat. It was a cute panda hat. Her friend, Nia, bought it for her when she was first diagnosed. Kara loved it, it was so cute and the kids in the department admired her because of it.   
She wore white sweat pants, big fluffy grey socks, and wore a black shirt. So today she actually looked like a walking panda. She did not care, it was comfy, and she learned that being comfy while chemo is the most important thing.

"Hey Dr. J'onzz," Kara said, walking into Dr. J'onn J'onzz's office. Dr. J'onn was Kara's main Dr, and she met him formally every month, but he was always there. Supporting, carrying, and helping with whatever he could.

"Hey Kara, how are you feeling this morning?" 

"Good, the nausea meds are helping me so I can eat more. But you know, there are better days and harder days." Kara answered simply. She already learned to understand how she really felt.

Dr. J'onzz nodded softly. "Ok. Your lab work looking great, you are cleared for today's treatment." He declared, closing Kara's file. "You can go to room 12, you have a place there."

Kara smiled and rushed to the room, can't wait to see those green eyes again.

"Lenaaaa" Kara screamed even before she got in the room. But the room was empty. Kara saw the black heat on the bed, but no Lena.

Kara wanted to get out of the room, go to the nurse station and ask about Lena, but Alex pushed her into the room. "I'm sure she is fine Kara, take care of yourself for one freaking time." Kara shrugged and jumped on the bed, sitting there with crossed legs, waiting for someone to enter the room.

The nurse came in, settling Kara's meds. Kara watched at the line that was attached to her body. She saw how the yellowish toxic drug going in her body.  
Kara took her computer out of her bag and started playing Solitaire.

She started her fifth game when she heard someone getting closer to the room. Her room was at the far side of the department, so no one was supposed to walk there instead if he was in this room or running in the hall from boredom.

Kara looked up and saw a grown bold man, he had a short beard. The man was rolling a wheelchair, rolling Lena.

Lena looked terrible like she was hit by a car. It was the first time Kara saw Lena without her hat, without her cover. Lena's bald was shining, so white, so pale. Lena looked sicker than usual. 

"Is she alright?" Kara almost jumped from her bed when she realized she is attached to the IV pole. 

The man looked at her and gave her a nasty look, it made Kara shiver, she didn't understand this look. But it scared her. The man helped Lena to get to her bad and closed the curtains.

Kara didn't really see Lena that day. She was close behind the curtains, all Kara could hear from there was the noises her monitor made. At least she knew Lena's heart was still beating. 

Kara finished her chemo a few hours later, she felt good enough to go home.

"The chemo starting to give you hard life, ha?" Alex asked her, helping Kara to get off the bed.

"Yes, how did you realize it?" even the sarcasm that Kara wanted to use didn't work for her. She was just so tired, nausea and she just wanted to crash and sleep.

"Maybe we should consider staying here night next time if they will let you." Kara didn't even have the power to say something back. She just walked like a zombie, walking slowly holding tightly Alex's arm, walking to the car. 

"I think' I should take a wheelchair next time," Kara said, sitting in the car

"I can 100% agree about that" Alex retorted.

"I'm sorry Kara, your lab work isn't good enough. Like they are not good at all." J'onn said. He then looked over Eliza and started speaking to her, like Kara wasn’t there.  
"I know you didn’t want to get there Dr. Danvers, but I think it's time for blood infusion."

"You guys know I'm right here, yes?" Kara said waving her hand.

Eliza smiled, potting her hand on Kara's head. Today she head a dinosaur hat, he had long furry green tails. Kara loved it. She got it from Alex a few days ago.

"I think you are right," Eliza said, looking at Kara. 

"I'm fine with whatever, if you say I'll feel better I'm saying yes."

J'onn nodded and walked out of the room. 

"Sweaty, if the blood will help you they might want to put you on chemo, even tomorrow. You will probably have to spend the night here."

Kara felt a shiver in the back of her spine, she knew she will have to do it at some points. Even her nurse told her she was lucky to go so far without this.   
Kara nodded slowly, smiling a broken smile to her mom.

"I should go back home, grab you some staff," Eliza said, walking with Kara to her bed, room 12, like usual.

"Are you sure you going to be fine?" Eliza asked "I can ask Alex to do this"

"No, mom it's fine. It's only for few hours. I'll be okay." She hugged Eliza and watched her leave the room.

"So, you alone?" Kara jumped and almost fell off the bed when she heard Lena's voice.

"Jeez Lena, you scared me," Kara said, trying to give Lena an angry look.  
"You know it's not working. You are looking like a fucking adorable dino. " Lena chuckled.

"So I'm angry dino, you should be careful. I can bite." Kara retorted, crossing her arms on her chest, giving Lena the most devilish look she could.

"Still not working. You look like a puppy that got eaten by a dino. And it's actually cute."

"Urg fine, I'm not mad"

They sat there in awkward silence until a nurse came in, like a savior, breaking it.

"Hey, Kara, common let's set it in."

When Kara saw the bag the nurse was holding she felt sick. She knew she was going to get a blood transfusion, but she didn't imagine it will be, red, like actual blood. Kara felt sick from looking at it, she felt like she was going to throw up.

"I can put another black bag on it if you need Kara." The nurse said. Kara nodded fast and the nurse went out.

"First blood?" Lena asked her.

"Ya, they said it will make me feel better, make my blood works better…"

"It actually really helps. Like when I get one I feel much better after, and I'm also hungry. And I'm never hungry." Lena said, looking at Kara.

Kara smiled. Lena had more experience from her in that field, she trusted Lena.

"Ok, I must say this is dope," Kara said. Starring as the blood was pumping in her veins. 

Lena laughed, tearing her look from her book and looking at Kara.  
"I'm sorry about last time, I had a bad day."

"You don't need to sorry, like, it's normal I guess. But-" Kara wasn't sure if she wants to ask Lena what she wanted. But before she could keep talking Kara suddenly felt cold. It was like someone spilled freezing water on her. She started shivering and felt dizzy. She lied in her bed, not aware of what happens.   
She could hear Lena's voice, but the voice was far away, miles away. She tried to open her mouth, to speak, but she couldn't bring her body to move any muscle.  
She tried to keep her eyes open, but at some point, she couldn't hold it anymore.   
She closed her eyes and felt herself dragging away.

Kara opened her eyes. All she saw was a huge light. 

Am I in heaven?

The answer came quickly when she heard familiar noises, monitor noises. She looked around, she was in her bed. She looked to her right, looking for Lena, but the curtain was closed. 

Eliza appeared from no-where.   
"Oh, Kara, I'm so sorry I wasn't here." She said, kissing Kara's forehead. 

"Wha- what happened?" Kara asked. 

"You had a bad reaction to the blood transfusion. Lena had to call someone. But you are okay now sweaty."

Kara smiled. She wanted to ask more. She wondered if Lena is on the other side of the curtain, she wondered what Lena saw.  
But she was so sleepy and she just fell asleep.

The next time Kara woke up was in the middle of the night. She had to go to the bathroom. She saw Eliza, sleeping on the couch next to her, she looked so peaceful and Kara didn't want to wake her up. 

Kara set slowly on her bed, feeling dizzy, but the urge to pee was bigger than everything else. She touched the freezing ground, trying to stay quiet. She grabbed her IV pole and started walking over to the bathroom. Her legs felt like jelly, they wiggled and Kara knew she can't hold any much longer.

"Let me help" Kara didn't even see who was speaking to her. But she felt a cold hand raising her up, helping her keep going. Only when she got in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet she saw Lena.

"Hmm, can you turn around please?" 

Lena blushed and turned her look away quickly. Kara felt embarrassed even peeing like this, but she knew its better. And her pole was big and full with staff and if she could leave it outside the bathroom, it's better.

"So, how are you feeling?" Lena asked

"Are you really want to do this talk when I'm peeing?" Kara screamed in whispering. She could hear Lena grinning to herself. 

"I don't mind talking to you even when you sleep. And I think it's more creepy than talking to someone how's peeing." Lena answered. For Kara surprised, it didn't look like she was joking.

Kara stood up, flushing the water. "So, am I supposed to be scared by a Luthor whispering in my ear while sleeping?" Kara smirked.

"Oh shut up." 

Kara was satisfied. Lena helped her getting back to her bed.

Kara lied down, facing Lena's bad. The curtain was slightly open and Kara could see Lena looking at her.

"Good night Lena, thank you."

"Nighty night Kara."

And they both fell asleep.

The morning came so fast and before Kara processed last night's events she was pumped with another blood. This time it didn't almost kill her, thankfully.

Eliza didn't move from her sight, Alex came and joined her later in the morning so Eliza could go and refresh herself.

"So, I heard you had an adventure yesterday," Alex said, sipping a boiling cup of coffee.

"Wha- what? I don't know what you are talking about." Kara said, sliding into her bed, trying to cover herself with the sheets.

"I'm talking about the blood-" "-oh that' ya that happened yesterday."

"Is there anything else that happened yesterday?" Alex said, staring at Kara with her big-sis look.

"N-no, no at all," Kara mumbled. Trying not to look over Lena, who was still sleeping.

"Okay, you said it." Alex leaned back in her chair, giving Kara the biggest smirk she ever saw.

Fuck, she knows.

Kara did feel better after the blood transfusion. She felt so goods she went with Alex for a walk. If you can call being-wheeled-in-wheelchair a walk. Alex took her outside to breathe some fresh air. 

The hospital located by the sea, you could walk 100 meters and get to the shore. Alex helped Kara get settled on a branch, her feet touching the sand. It was refreshment. The air smelled normal, the sun was shining. 

"I could stay here all day," Kara said, she was smiling, although Alex couldn't see it. Kara had to go out with a mask, protecting her from germs and bacteria. It was a simple thin blue surgical mask, but it bothered Kara, she wanted to be able to breathe normally, but she knew that if she even touches the mask Alex will kill her, but like for real.

"So, how is Lena doing?"

Kara was so thankful for the mask, hiding her reaction from Alex. 

"Hmm, she is fine, I guess," Kara mumbled, looking down at the white sand.

"You guess? Aren't you like… friends? Alex kept asking, making Kara stressed.  
"We are… friends."

"I had no idea that friends looking at each other while they are in the bathroom."

SHIT

"I have no idea what are you talking about," Kara said, looking at Alex.

Alex rolled her eyes, looking at Kara in an I-don't-believe-you look. "Oh, you do, you just don't to admit it."

"And let's say I am, why do you care? Why you keep asking me those questions?"

"So-" Alex turned around, facing Kara, "I want you to know that it's, she looks like a really nice girl. And I need you to remember that I'm your sister, you can talk to me about whatever you want, always."

"Okay," Kara answered and hugged Alex. She was not ready to talk about it yet, she wasn't even sure what 'it' was.

It was a week later. Kara was in her room, binging some trashy superhero show. Feeling disappointed over and over about the dumb things that happened there. Not to mention the fact they made the best friends look like a couple, but they were 'just friends'. Ya right. Anyway, Kara enjoyed this show and it was fun to be angry about other staff except for being sick and doing nothing with her life. 

So she decided to check up on Lena.

**KD:** Hey, hru?  
 **LL:** Fine, u?  
 **KD:** Same, mostly bored.  
 **LL:** What are you doing?  
 **KD:** Watching some trash staff and yelling on my TV.   
KD: and u?  
 **LL:** Studying  
 **KD:** wait, are you studying while getting treatment? How you do that?   
**KD:** I mean, it sounds hard, you know…  
 **LL:** I got used to it.   
**LL:** I had to do something with the spare time I had the past few years. And I had way to much of it.   
**LL:** So ya, I'm studying.  
 **KD:** Is it interesting?  
 **LL:** yap. Chemistry. It's cool.   
**KD:** Lena Luthor and chemistry. I must admit I didn’t saw it coming.  
 **LL:** hmm, what do you mean?  
 **KD:** well, hmm. You know what?  
 **KD:** I'm calling you

Without waiting to responded or approval from Lena Kara called her. They still used Instagram to talk with each other, and Kara accidentally made a video call.  
But it was too late to regret, Lena picked up even before the first ring.

The screen lit up and Kara saw Lena, starring her with a devilish smile.

"You look like you want to kill me, jeez." Kara snorted, can't take her eyes off the screen.

"Oh, well. I told you I'm busy and you called anyway. You brought it on yourself." Lena said, raising one of her eyebrows. 

"Fine fine, you want me to hang up?"

"No, it's fine. I have five minutes." Lena smiled. Lena wore the same black hat as always, Kara wondered if it's because all of her hats are black or she just uses this specific one. 

"What are you wearing a hat at home?"

Lena looked away, looking a bit uncomfortable. Kara felt dumb for just asking this.

"Well, it's cold. And I'm not a big bald fan."

"I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable Lena, I'm sorry," Kara said, looking at Lena, waiting for the girl on the other side of the screen to say something.

"No, it's fine. I feel comfortable with you, you can ask me whatever you want." 

"Anything?" Kara asked, feeling a weird joy building up in her belly.

"Should I be afraid of what you may ask?" Lena smirked

"Only if you want." 

"Go ahead then," Lena told her. 

"How was the man who rolled you?" You know back then…" 

"It's my brother, Lex. He rarely comes with me, like you probably saw. But he was there that day." Lena answered simply.

"He looked angry at me." Kara retorted

"Naa, that's who he is. He actually happy I made a friend and I'm not alone."

"So we are not cancer friends anymore? Did we go one step forward for being friends?" Kara asked, trying not to talk too much in case she will say something she will regret later. 

"I think you started it on the second you followed me."

"HEY, you are the one who had to approve my request. And you followed back. You are just as guilty as I am." Kara said, trying not to laugh.

"Let's agree to disagree." Lena chuckled. "Anyway, I should go. I guess I'll see you."

"Bye Lena, have a good day."

"Back to you, darling." And then Lena hangs up. 

Did she just call me darling? What the hell.

"ALEXXXXX! I need to talk to you!!!"

"Kara! Are you ok?" Alex's face was flushed and it looks like she was running.

"Yes, but I must ask you something."

"Shit Kara, you scared the hell out of me." Alex sat on the bad burying her head between her hands. "So, what's so important?"

"Let's say if a friend would call you darling' how would you react?"

Alex looked up, confused, "where are you going with that?"

"Lena called me darling?"

Alex looked like she was going to choke. "She-what? When?"

"Now, we were face timing, and when we finished, and she called me darling!" Kara was talking fast, forgetting how to breathe "And-and I don't know what it means, if it means. People sometimes call their friends darling. Right? Alex?"

Alex was lying on Kara's bed, holding her belly tightly and laughing. Laughing so much. 

"Did… she… really.. said- it?" Alex asked, trying to catch on her breath." Kara nodded.

"Shit Kara, I think she likes you," Alex said, looking at Kara to catch her reaction.

And like usual Kara turned red, she looked at her sister, she felt terrified. "Wh- Why do you think so?"

"I saw how you were talking. She looks at you like she wants to eat you or something. Haven't you noticed?"

"Ha- no?" Kara saw Lena in her mind Lena. How she used to bite the edge of her lips, how she would give Kara that look- the over who made her feel like someone was tickling her. "I mean' she does biting her lips a lot, but-"

"Kara you are truly killing me, jeez." Alex patted Kara's shoulder. "But you like her too, don't you?"

"Ta- I guess. I mean she is gorgeous, and she is nice, and it's fun to talk with her. But-"

"No, but Kara. You don't need to feel any shame or anything else. Just tell her how you feel." Alex said, resting her head back on the bed.

"But, what if she doesn't think the same? What if it will destroy ore friendship?" 

"If you are true friends, and for me from the side, that's how it looks like, it won't matter."

"Are you sure?" Kara asked, looking at her sister.

"I'm," Alex told her, smiling over her.

Kara lied down the bad, next to her sister. Hoping that she won't regret the next step she will take.

"Oh my god, I hate her so much!" Lena walked slowly into the room, looking like she was going to kill someone.

"You are talking about nurse Eve, right?" Kara asked.

"Hell ya, I hate her."

"What has she done now?"

"You mean what she didn't do? I just can't believe she is actually still working here. I-" "Lee, shh take a breather. It won't help you being mad" She came forward to Lena, sitting on the sofa next to her bed.

They set quiet while Lena started looking better when a nurse came in. Kara rolled her eyes when she saw it is Eve.

"Lena, common, let me start it." Eve held in her hand a syringe full of liquid, Kara recognized it morphine. It was a pain killer, it always helped Kara when she needed it.   
Kara looked at Eve while she flew the drug into Lena's veins.

"Morphine? I thought you feeling better." Kara said to Lena after Eve left the room.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just in pain." Lena's smile was half broken. 

Less than twenty minutes later Kara saw that the drug was affecting Lena. Lena looked like she was flying like she was daydreaming. Kara knew this feeling, let's just say that when she first got it she felt so bad only from the fact she felt a bit high. But later Kara got used to it and its side effects.

Lena was a different case.

"Darling, why are you seating so far away from me?" Lena tried to reach Kara, twisting her hand in Kara's direction.

"Le-Lena, what?" Kara felt her face getting hot. 

Thank god no one else is here

"Come on" Lena didn’t give up, still nudging Kara. "You can lie net to me, it's hot in here."

Kara slowly and awkwardly stood up, lying slowly next to Lena.

Lena was so cold and without thinking too much Kara found herself wrapping her hand around Lena.

"You are so cold, you are like an ice cube" 

"I'm always cold darling." Lena looked at Kara in one of her weird looks. The one that Alex said it looks like she wants to eat her.

"Why are you calling me darling?"

"I like you Kara Danvers."

"Is it you or the morphine talking?" Kara asked, her face were so close to Lena, so close so she could smell her, feel her nose touching the black hat.

"Does it matter?" Lena's hand traveled on Kara's arm, going up and down to her hand, resting on her knuckles. She could feel Lena's fingers tapping her hand slowly. Something about it felt nice, Kara liked Lena's touch.

It was like the earth stop moving and it was only them. Lying next to each other. Their noses almost touching.  
But it was gone on the minute someone run into the room. 

"Kara I'm so sorry, I missed the bus."

Nia busted in the room. She stopped the moment she got inside, "Oh, shot, I'm sorry."

Kara got off the bed, leaving Lena's touch behind. 

"Nia, I'm glad you made it." Kara went and hugged Nia. 

She met Nia many years ago, they quickly became friends. Best friends. When she got sick Nia was the first time she talked to, and a day later Nia showed up with the panda hat.

"So Nia, this is Le-"

"OMG, Lena Luthor is the Luna you told me about? I feel so dumb I didn't catch it!" Nia said, going to Lena and giving some weird high five.

Kara was confused. Nia was friendly, but she wasn’t the type of person who would run to people they don't know.

"Are you guys know each other?" Kara asked.

Lena and Nia nodded, "we took some summer courses together, and we stayed in touch since then."

"Oh cool then." 

Later that day Lena left, going home. Kara was left alone with Nia.

"So-" Nia jumped on the moment they couldn't hear Lena anymore, "Are you guys like… You know" Nia looked thrilled, joy in her eyes.

"Hmm, well. I don't know, I mean, I don’t know."

"Well, whatever is this I'm happy for you Kara. Lena is the best."

Kara couldn't stop thinking about Lena. She spends the whole week nudging Lena with cute gifs and photos of her dog. But Lena wasn't super cooperative, she said she was tired and in more pain than usual. So Kara gave her the space she needed. But she couldn't wait for the next time they will meet, whenever it would be.

Days passed and also weeks. Kara and Lena became closer and closer. It was secret looks and longer hugs. It was taking photos together and bringing Lena's Instagram back to life. It was watching movies together and face time on a daily basis. They became one of each other's lives. They became the person each other of them need.

But on that they Kara was able to drag Lena outside with her and Alex. They went to the beach, to see the sea. It was a lovely day. The sky was blue with no clouds, there was a warm wind and birds were flying up up in the sky.

Alex left them alone and went to sit but further.

"I'm right there love birds if you need me." "Thanks, Alex" Lena retorted, stopping Kara from saying something sarcastic to her sister. But to be honest- they were love birds. Not that Kara was going to admit it.

They set there cuddling, listening to the waves, to the wind, and also to the birds.

"If I die, I want black roses," Lena said from nowhere.

Kara looked at Lena, Lena just looked forward to the sea, her green eyes looking amazing.

"Hmm, what?" 

"If I die, I want to have black roses, at my funeral."

"Oh but you are not going to die Lena. You are here." Kara hugged Lena tighter, resting her hand on Lena's knee.

"I know, but I need you to promise me."

"Fine" Kara took Lena's face, now looking directly at her eyes, "I promise, but you won't die." 

"Thanks, Kara… What do you want?"

"You mean- when I die?" 

Lena nodded

"Well to be honest I don't want people to remember that day as something grey and boring. I want people to wear colorful clothes, celebrate what I did. And because I'll die many years from now, I'm sure I'll do something with my life. I mean I hope so. I still have what to bring to the world." Kara chuckled, "I'm sorry, is that too much?"

"No, not at all. It's perfect. You are perfect." 

Kara felt her heart missing a beat. Lena's hand traveled on Kara's jawline, going slowly to the back of her head. The gap between them was so little, they were closer than ever. 

And without thinking too much' Kara closed the gap. Her lips met Lena's. 

It was Kara's first-ever kiss, and all she could think of that it felt like magic. Lena's lips were on here, touching every part of her lips over and over.

Kara couldn't breathe at the beginning' she had no idea what she was supposed to do. So she let Lena leading the way, tasting Lena slowly more and more. She had a far taste of drugs, but the strong dominant taste was light mint. It was like she chewing gum, or washing her teeth.

It was amazing. It was again' like they were the only part of the world, kissing in their own bubble.   
A bobble with no cancer, with no treatment. Just two love birds, kissing on the beach.

They walked back into their room, feeling awkward next to Alex. Who apparently stared at them while they were kissing.

Alex looked at Kara with a satisfied look, every time their eyes met it was like Alex saying to her gotcha. 

"So Lena, I'm going to the bakery, want something?"

"Oh no thanks, I have a scan later so I can't really eat."

Alex shrugged and left them behind.

"Why are you having another scan?"

"Oh, hmm, It's just… I had pains lately, so they want to check it out." Lena's face shifted, she started to look worried.

"Are you sure you are fine? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, please just leave it."

Kara knew she should, but she couldn't. She was worried.

"Lena, please. I'm just worried, and- and I need to know you are okay. It's okay to be stre-" before Kara finished talking, Lena's sharp words cut Kara in the middle, "Kara stop. I said I don't want to talk about it, leave it."

"But Le-", "No but Kara." Lena looked angry. Kara had a feeling she wasn't the only reason, but now- Lena was angry at her. "Now, please. I want to be alone."

She pushed Kara gently back, closing the curtains.

It was the first time in months where they were in the same room with closed curtains. Kara suddenly felt weird. She was used to them being together all the time. But now- when she couldn't see Lena, she felt like someone took away a part of her. A part she kissed earlier today.

Kara went back to her bed, thinking about what Lena just said. Was there a possibility that Lena was getting worse?

Flashbacks of Lena came to her. She knew Lena was feeling worse than usual the past few weeks, she also remembers how they changed her drugs and her whole treatments. Kara started to feel dumb, how could she miss this.

And today, when Lena told her about the roses, was she trying to make Kara understand something? 

I'll have to talk to her later today. Maybe she will be more in mood after the scan.

Alex came in interfering with Kara's thoughts.

"Hey sis-" she looked at the closed curtain, "why is it closed? Where you to guys fighting or something?" She asked, handing Kara a cup of tea.

"Kinda," Kara looked at her tea, she suddenly didn't want it as she wanted before. "I might have said something wrong." Kara looked at her sister. Alex just shrugged and sat next to Kara. Kara lied back in her bed, knowing she has a long night before her.

It was early evening when Lena left the room, going to her scan.   
Kara was going out of the bathroom when Lena left, she smiled at her but Lena still looked angry. But she also looked sad, broken and it was new to Kara. She never saw Lena like that' it even looked like her eyes lost their life and instead of looking like fresh grass, the grass was almost dead. Just waiting for his life to be over.   
Kara wanted to run after her, to go with her to her scan. Be there for her. But Lena's face frightened Kara. It was also like she was asking Kara to stay away. 

I'll just talk to her when she comes back

It's been few hours since Lena left. Usually, Kara would get stressed about it, but in the end, it's a hospital and things can run late.   
It was weird, to go sleep with Lena's side empty and cold.

I guess I'll speak to her in the morning

"Good night Alex"

"Night sis, I'm here if you need me."

And with that Kara closed her eyes, chemo going through her veins. It was the first time she fell asleep during chemo, she was so tired and so excused.

She was sleeping. 

Kara woke up. The pole was empty, apparently, she slept during all the treatment. But it wasn't the only weird thing, something was different. 

She looked around to discover Lena's bed empty- completely. The sheets were changed and she saw that all Lena's belongings were gone.  
The silence was weird, it felt like something was missing from the room. It wasn't just Lena herself who wasn't there, it felt like something else was gone. Like something happened.

Kara felt something heavy in her throat, she had a bad feeling.

Alex was still sleeping, cuddling into a ball on the sofa. 

Kara, like always, didn't want to wake her up. Alex has done so much for her, the only thing that she could do for her right now was to let her sleep, a bit longer.

Kara stood up, shoving her legs to the comfy shoes Lena brought her only a week ago.  
She disconnected herself from the pole, another trick Lena showed her.

"But use it only if necessary. The nurses will kill you, but it will be less horrible if nothing is going in your veins at the moment."

The only things on the pole were liquids. But Kara didn't care, she had to go look for Lena.

Kara walked slowly outside. It was still very early and except for monitors the only noise in the hallway was Kara's shows clapping on the floor.

Kara got to the nurse station, one nurse was there, it was Eve.   
Urg, why is it always her   
Eve was reading something on her phone. Kara realized she can walk on without Eve seeing her. But she realized she didn't know where to go, she didn't know where she can find Lena. She had a feeling that Eve won't like the fact she was strolling outside alone.

So Kara started making her way back to the room. She almost got in her bad when she saw Alex, looking at her with fire in her eyes.

"Where the hell did you go? Do you want to know how it feels to wake up and see your sister is gone? Are you crazy?" Alex whispered. But she was also screaming and Kara felt like she was actually yelling at her.

"I'm sorry, I just- went to look for-" "Lena. Yes, I guessed so."

"Wait, do you know where she is?" Kara asked, feeling hopeful. 

"Nope. I just know she didn't come back from her scan. Maybe she went home." 

Kara felt the color leaving her face. What can go wrong in a scan? Why would they let her go home so late?

Kara was worried, even more than before.

"Alex please, I can feel it. Something happened. I must know!" Kara felt tears starting falling down on her cheeks, going all the way down and falling on the floor.

"Ok fine, I'll go get someone to tell you that everything is fine and you will go back to sleep. Right?" Kara nodded fast, getting in her bed, waiting for Alex to return. 

It felt like Alex was gone for hours, Kara shifted her position every five seconds, she felt like she was lying on nails. 

Alex walked in alone. Her eyes were glowing. Kara knew something happened. 

She snapped up, looking directly at Alex.

"Alex. What happened?"

Alex approached her, moving her a bit and getting into her bed with her.

"Alex, please" Kara begged. Kara felt like she was going to explode, her whole body was frozen, waiting to hear what Alex was going to say.

In the next months, when Kara will look back at this situation, over and over- she will realize she already knew what Alex was going to tell her. She just couldn't believe it was true, because it can't be.

"I'm so sorry Kara. I'm so so sorry." Alex was crying. Kara felt her sister's tears falling on the pillow.

"Alex. I need you to tell me what happened." Kara was not sitting, looking at Alex wet face.

Alex set up next to Kara. She took Kara's hands in hers, holding her tightly.

"I will. But I need you to promise me that you won't break. I need you to promise me not to give up. I need you to stay here Kara. I need you, mom needs you." 

Kara was sobbing quietly, she closed her eyes and nodded. She felt like she knew what was going to happen. But in the end, she was Kara, the positive hopeful person. She knew that maybe Alex was going to surprise her, tell her something else. 

"It's Lena. While she was on the scan her heart- her heart stopped," Kara felt her heart missing a bit, she felt like rivers coming out of her eyes, "They did everything they could but-"

"No Alex, don't say it" Kara was now crying for real. She looked at Alex, it was the first time in a long time she saw her sister crying, her sister looked at her with agony, with pain. 

"I'm so so sorry Kara. I knew how you lov-"

"NO, YOU DIDN'T! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! DON’T YOU DARE TO THINK YOU KNOW SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU NOT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA ALEX!" 

Kara was yelling, her screams echoed in the hallway. Alex looked at her with the same sad look, it was like she knew Kara was going to snap at her.

"So why don't you tell me, so I'll know." Alex leaned to Kara, grabbing her into a hug. Kara leaned on her sister's shoulder and cried. It was like she was crying for hours, she couldn't stop. They just set there until Kara stopped crying. She wanted to cry more but the tears didn't come.

So she started talking' opening her heart to her sister.

"She is amazing Alex. She is so pretty, so humble, nice, and carrying. And smart, oh god she is so so smart. She has the most terrible but also the best jokes. We could talk with each other for hours. Chemo was easier with her."

Was, Kara suddenly realized she talked about Lena in the past tense.   
The tears came again but Kara kept talking, reviling her feelings to her sister, reviling everything she hides from her, even she had feelings Alex knew the most.

"I still remember the first time I saw her. She wore her black hat, she looked so cute but so tiny and pale. I remember she laughed about Ralph, she laughed every time I would talk to him. And her laugh was soft and sweet like cotton candy, or marshmallows. But sometimes her laugh was sparkling, like shining stars or bubbly soda. I remember that everything was easier next to her. She was so pretty, she is everything."

"She was everything" 

They lied down in bad, cuddling together. Kara didn't know how long she was crying, but at some point, she fell asleep.

She dreamed for the first time in a while. She saw Lena, with her green eyes smiling. Smiling like she never really saw her. She saw Lena happy, she saw Lena with no pain, no cancer. No suffering.

Lena approached her, flying in the sky like an angel. She came closer to Kara resting her hand on Kara's cheek, who was wet again from crying. 

"I will always be here Kara. I will always stay by your side. If you need me just look up, know that I'm watching you. I will always watch you. No matter what. But you have to promise me not to let go. It's not your time yet, you still have what to bring to the world, you need to stay here. You have people who love you, who care about you. Don't leave them."

"But Lee, why did you have to leave me?" Kara said sobbing "You also have people here who love you, you also have a purpose. You wanted to change the world. I need you here with me, I need to feel you. Please come back." 

Kara was crying, looking at angel Lena who was just smiling at her, looking so peaceful.

Lena came closer to Kara, resting her lips on Kara's in a gentle kiss.

"I love you, Kara, I always will."

"I love you too Lena, I will never forget you." 

"I know you won't." 

Lena gave Kara one last hug. Lena's hands weren't cold, it was the first time Lena's hands were warm, like Kara's.   
Kara wanted this hug to stay forever, but as it came it disappeared. 

And Kara woke up.

And she was crying again.

She couldn’t remember when was the last time she cried so much, maybe when she was first diagnosed. But even then’ she remembers she cried from fear, less from sadness. Because Kara Danvers was a positive person, and even in the darkest time of her life she was able to smile, and find little staff that makes her feel good about being alive. 

But now, at this moment Kara cried her whole entire heart.  
She was in pain, the worse one she had ever experienced. She felt the sadness infiltrate in her body, touching in every dot it could, making her suffer. 

Kara was lying in her bed, cuddling in herself, closing her eyes while the tears kept coming. She wanted everything to end, she wanted to feel the peace she felt when she was with her, she needed her next to her.  
But she was gone.   
Lena was gone.

But Alex was there, holding her tightly.

"I loved her Alex, and-and I think she also loved me" 

"I know Kara. I know" 

"I miss her, I miss her so much" Kara wiped out.

"I know. And you will. But you will learn how to leave with it. She will always be in your heart- but in the end, it will be a good sweet memory. You will see."

"Promise?" Kara asked, looking up at her sister, seeking comfort.

"Promise"

And Kara fell asleep again.

**A few months later**

Lena. You don't know how much I miss you. I miss you so much that it's painful. And this pain is worse than chemo, it worse than everything else.   
I wish I could go back in time and ran after you, talk with you, tell you how much you mean to me, how pretty you are and how lucky I'm to go through this journey with you.

But I can't go back in time. I can't. I wish I could.

Today is your birthday. I hope you having a good time up there. I hope you have black roses, the kind you like.

Oh, and I made my promise for you. Your funeral was so beautiful painfully beautiful. Your stone was covered in black roses, black like your hat. The hat that your brother, gave me after you passed. 

But I never wore it. It still has your smell, and I don't want the smell to be gone. But it's getting weaker every day. But I promise I'll keep it.

Also, I rang the bell last week. I'm done with treatment. I thought you should now. I hope you saw me ringing the bell, I rang it also for you, because you didn't lose your battle- you won. I know you are now in a better place. No pain, no hospitals- just your own peaceful spot. 

Your family is also doing well. I spoke with Lex a few weeks ago, and they doing fine, at least that what he said.

But Nia misses you so much. Only after you passed Nia told me how close friend you were. She also told me you guys used to talk about me. She told me about all the wonderful things you said about me.

The only thing I regret is that I didn't hear them from you- because I would say the same. 

I'm not a person of words, I don't know how to deal with the pain of loss. When you were gone I shuttered from everything, covering myself with all those emotions. It was so hard to do treatment in the same room, room 12 forever, ha?

But in the end, I saw a way out, I knew I have to live- for you. I knew that I need to live to be able to bring you more roses, to be able to sit at the same beach, you know… where we kissed.

It took me weeks over weeks to realized what I truly felt for you, and what I still am, 

I love you, Lena.

I always will.

I promise I will never forget you, but please don't forget me.

I'm not a believer, but I want to believe that you are up there, keeping all of us safe. 

I want to believe that you are smiling, drinking your tea, and reading books.

I miss you so much. You come to my mind every day, and every night when I fall asleep I see you. Smiling, laughing, and even biting your lips.

I hope I will get to see you again one day, even if it's years from now.

I should stop writing now, the paper is so wet and I want to bring you that. I hope you don't mind me writing so much. I just had to. I needed you to know that I'm doing better, that everyone is doing better.

I love you.  
Forever.

From your fucking adorable dino

Kara

**Author's Note:**

> Wow.
> 
> Writing this was a roller coaster. I can't even describe it.  
> I'm writing this note now, before posting and my hands are shaking.
> 
> They shake because I miss her, but also because I'm happy and proud. I made my promise. I did it. Even with all the pain, it costs me.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read it.
> 
> stay well, stay safe.


End file.
